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I was watching a little “barefoot contessa” the other day when I discovered this gem. While I didn’t watch it long, (Remember. I’m not black.) It did light the proverbial fire inside me, to make my first post in quite some time.  Now back to the post.

Now I don’t have any proof, evidence, research, or qualification of any kind to make the statement I am about to make, … Buuuuut, black people, most certainly, like Down Home With the Nelly’s.  WHITE MOMENT Is it just me, or does that not make any sense. Down – home – with…. what? Is there a black translator out there? I could really use an explanation.

The episode “Walkin’ in Memphis” is the episode I caught. I wasn’t surprised to find out that SOUL food (stuff only us like) was the featured food. The next time I have my one black friend over, I may use this episode to prepare a meal he likes. If you try this yourself, I warn you now, do not watch DHN with out subtitles. Especially if you are trying to take down the recipe. I watch Top Chef, you use a teaspoon instead of a tablespoon, and you’ll be packing your knifes and go….ing.

Annnnnddddddddd that’s it, that’s all I got. Just go watch the show and see for yourself.

Ohhh yeah, and the Neely’s have a couch in their yard.  A couch. In the yard.

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BOOM BOOM BOOM Hot shit! Ohhhhh I’m going down down baby, no skates on the escalator, BOOM BOOM baby! Come on and tell me now! Sugar on my Cocoa Puffs Listen to me Now!

Oh Nelly, how I miss you rattling the trunk of my car.

I remember when I was 16. I got this tiny little Ford Escort ZX2… so cool right…. except mine looked more like this. Yeah I scored a whole lot with that thing….

It wasn’t long after I got the Rad Red Racer that my one black friend told me about Bass.

“What’s Bass?” I asked myself, I mean. I know that this treble thing makes it easier to hear the vocals.

From there it was a Best Buy overhaul. I had two 12″ Polk Audio Subs. They brought the bass. I was one of those clowns rolling around town with a license plate rattling so loud I thought every nelly song had hi hat. Even the Skits.

Though I don’t know if they Pump That Bass. What ever that means….

Not sure what any of the lyrics have to do with bass…. I just know that Lil Wayne likes bass. PS White people like Lil Wayne. At least I do. There is probably a post about that already. And if there isn’t there should be…

I checked. There isn’t. Shame. Even bigger shame is that the first “stuff white like” post to come up in a search of “stuff white like Lil Wayne” was a rather bitter comment about how unfortunate it is that “scarves” are not white only anymore because of “gangsta” Lil Wayne in #97 Scarves.

If I were Weezy. I’d be pissed about this. The guy is easily one of the most liked black people by white people… I mean… Mos Def got one, and Barrack Obama got one too. Whitey likes Weezy, let’s get on that. What was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Bass.

I just recently got back from my little brothers high school band concert. As I often do, I searched for as many stereotypes as I could find amongst this younger generation. There were no male flute players. There were no women Baritone players. There weren’t any black players period. Soon everything was explained.

The Jazz Band came on next. Black people like Jazz. At least they like being good at it. Look at all the greatest jazz players and see the overwhelming number of black musicians.

Here’s a poll for greatest Jazz Musician. Here are the current highest rated musicians

Louis Armstrong Black – Check

Miles Davis Black – Check

John Coltrane Black – Check

Charlie Parker, Sonny Rollins, Thelonious Monk, Dizzy Gillespie – Check Check Check Check

(I would like to take a moment here to clarify something obvious that many people might not GET. Black people like Jazz. That’s a joke. That’s supposed to be THE joke. Black people. Just like White people. Just like People people! Like MUSIC. That’s the truth. But that’s not as fun to write about.)

Where was I again! Bass, yeah..

So the Jazz band came on. My brother, my literal, white brother, not like the way black people say it, TRIED, to play sax. But my attention was back to my stereotypes. Sure enough. There they were. Two of the six black kids in the school. Playing the bass. And a well known fact. Is that black people can play bass.

So from all of this what have we learned. I don’t know. I still have no idea why black people like bass. What to do. AHA! Idea. Where do you go for A QUALITY CORRECT AND ALWAYS USEFUL ANSWER. Of course. Yahoo Answers!

SBPLA: Hey Yahoo! I got a question for you?

Yahoo!: What is it this time? Why is the sky blue. Why are Men better at ALL sports than Women? (You have to read the current BEST ANSWER. Then prepare to feel dumber and dumber as you read comment after comment. THE ANSWER is just THATS THE WAY WE ARE MADE. Don’t argue with Biology. And don’t argue with Religion while you are at it. It must be said however the physical shape, work ethic, determination, will, and desire to win, to be the best, to be better… well things like that can change even “facts” like this one.) Are boogers healthy? That one was answered by a real regular here on yahoo answers.

SBPLA: No. Yahoo! I was just wondering why black people like Bass. Could you tell me? My one black friend is out of town. He doesn’t like the cold. Being black and all. So he moves away during the winter.

YAHOO!: Oh why didnt you just say so. I got the answer to that age old question right here.

SBPLA: Thanks Yahoo!

And thank you “back alley abortion” for your “best answer” Turns out black people are more rhythmical. Bass is a rhythm instrument. And this is because of the black, or more appropriately for anyone who only just got pissed off now, African American, culture historically encouraging dancing. While us uppety white folk frowned upon dancing. Just look at any 50′s school dance scene in a movie. You’ll see the stereotypes in effect.

With that. I still don’t know why they like the BOOM BOOM bass of Nelly’s Hot Shit. But I feel confident through all the facts and evidence and examples presented here. That I can safely and stereotypically say. That black people like bass. Also.

click below to see why

DEVIN HESTER IS SO GOOD AT SPORTS

YES – That is indeed. How you return a punt.

Devin Hester is a very black dude. I mean look at him. He’s black. And he is damn good at sports. Very good at sports. He returned the opening kick of the Super Bowl XLI (41) and everyone knew the Bears were still going to lose, (final score Colts beat the Bears – a lot to a little). In my opinion they should have put in Orton then. Granted what he is now isn’t what he used to be.

Enough about The Bears, this is about Devin Hester (click for a delightful biography). A model black guy who likes being good at sports. He also happens to be a HUGE fan of BERRY CHILL. From this link you may not guess it. But the proof is on the internet. But it isn’t as easy as click this link and there it is. I, like Morpheus, offer you the choice. Would you like to take the Red Pill and watch a delightful Devin Hester Ad and a cute Berry Chill Employee. Or do you take the Blue Pill. And see a behind the scenes making.

IF YOU DIDN’T TAKE BOTH PILLS SKIP DOWN

Assuming you took both pills!!!!!! And didn’t overdose. I would like to say a few things. First DEVIN!!! What gives!! Not once did yo say anything close to LIKING the place. Did you even know where you were? Oh that’s right. You are there for the exposure. So this was a new environment for you.

On a side note. That girl didn’t seem all that cool. Maybe that was just me. But she sounded like one of those white girls that talk just to talk. Black girls don’t do this I am told. My one black friend says everything the black woman says is important to THEM. How can I argue with that if I believe my Mother is right when she yelled “EVEN IF I’M WRONG, I’M RIGHT” at me for something I didn’t do.

But if everything a black woman says is important to THEM, and my white mother is right even when she is wrong. Then is it possible that everything EVERY woman says is important to THEM. I sit here perplexed by this struggling to remember the last time I said anything important. Where was I? Oh Yeah….

TO HERE

Either way. That Berry Chill looks damn good! And I think I know for sure what Devin Hester has in his Crunk Cup. So everyone black and white alike, come together and enjoy a Berry Chill. Because you might be able to get a Devin Hester autograph.

dhcrunkchill1

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SIDE NOTE – Hello again Internet world. It has been some time since my last post and apologize for the delay. I have no excuse really. It’s not like I’m busy (I’m a white guy with a blog about black people). I encourage ANYONE of you Black, White, Yellow, or Mexican color to join the STUFFBLACKPEOPLELIKEALSO blog writing team. We currently and proudly have a membership of 1. Just hit me with a comment if you interested.

ONE OTHER NOTE – I don’t really only have “1 black friend” that was just a joke, playing pff of the “token black guy” Do black people like being that? I don’t know. Tell me. And I am not racist in the least. If you find any of this racist I suggest you look up the definition of “stereotype” and/or “ignorant” you may be suffering from these preventing you from grasping the “humor

With that being said.

Let’s talk about Drink. I polled all the white people in my neighborhood 1 wuestion, “What kind of drink do black people prefer, PURPLE/GRAPE or RED/WHATEVER RED TASTES LIKE” The results were a dead even 756 for each. Then I polled the black person in my neighborhood and asked, the same question. The results were Conclusive. 100% said “Don’t matter what color. I like drink.”

In popular culture the association between a black person and drink is well documented. Harold and Kumar 2, Chris Tucker in Money Talks references a whole slew of SOUL Food items including Kool-Aid, the technical term of many colored drink.

In popular music you can’t go into any “Urban” themed bar and not heat T Pain’s “Let me buy you a drrrrraaannk” moving all the big bottomed girls on the dance floor. Lil Jon one of the first to “popularize” the Crunk Cup, a large decorative uhm, CUP, like the wrong answer to “Choose Wisely” in The Last Crusade. Attention white people, should you see Lil Jon out DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT inquire about the Crunk Cup. You put yourself at risk when attempting to use “black lingo.” Once you say “Crunk Cup” your only one “OOOOOKKKK” away from using “SKEET! SKEET! Which should NEVER come up when discussing the drink in the CRUNK CUP. I’ve seen this happen 100′s of times.

In Conclusion, while white people are mixed when it comes to the right answer to which color black people prefer and will probably never be certain. To black people as was confirmed by 100% response in the survey above. Black people just want drink.

So the age old question. What do black people like to drink?

And is it COLOR or is it FLAVOR. Cuz There is red drink, but then there would be purple drink, but I have heard it called Grape drink, but then what the hell is red drink!? It’s all so confusing.

Paul Pierce and KG better look the hell out. 

Another example of a black mama you wouldn’t want to mess with…

http://www.boston.com/sports/basketball/celtics/articles/2008/05/14/a_parents_plea__apparently/

 

So what did that angry black mama say to you Paul Pierce?”

I really don’t know, She was just coming to her son; that’s how moms are when they see something happening to their kids.”

So you understand the woman’s actions?

“My mom probably would’ve done the same thing.”

In another version of the same story,

http://msn.foxsports.com/nba/story/8133208/LeBron-yells-at-mom-to-sit-down-after-hard-foul

 

“Kevin Garnett, trailing on the play, tried to calm her and Wally Szczerbiak approached her for a high five, but Gloria James was too angry to pay attention to either.”

I bet she was too angry.  Not only was her baby boy (at ONLY 6’8″ 240) fouled hard by Pierce, but she has KG touching her, who sweat rolls off of faster than a Kenyan in a marathon, and a goofy looking white guy named Wally trying to give her a high five like he is down with the whole hand shaking, slapping, and pounding ritual, that black people have perfected and love. 

Hey there!!

Hello everyone. Sorry I have been absent from the posting scene for the last few weeks, I have been very busy. I am working on several new posts at the moment, but would much appreciate some suggestions or topics that you would like to see written about. I only have one black friend so I could really use your help. What does your one black friend like???

     What do Oodles, Flat Top, Prune Face, Cheater Gunsmoke, and Big Boy all have in common? No they aren’t rappers. They are characters in the Dick Tracy comic book series, and like black people they like matching from head to toe.

Black people match head to toe in assorted classic ways; a powder blue Nike track suit, Sean Paul cashmere pajamas, color coordinated sweatbands like AI and Melo on the Nuggets (see #1 Making Fashion Statements), or big single color suits like the gangsters in Dick Tracy. Black people will often invest in numerous pairs of shoes to match their baseball caps that will most certainly match their Tall Tees.

A big part of matching head to toe is color coordination. If you walk into a predominately black people club, not only will you find 50 cent, but you will most assuredly find black people that look like the 7 or 8 Crayola crayons you have been missing since grade school, or those really obnoxious M&M’s. You can admire from a far, but saying something like, “Look at all the colors,” is a bad idea as this statement will most certainly be misunderstood, frowned upon, and could result in a serious beating.
Metals are another element that black people use to match head to toe. Black people will match their gold sun glass rims to their gold grills and their platinum chains to their platinum rings.  Speaking of accessories, black people often go beyond matching just their person.  A black person will match their outfit with the interior of their car, the rubber bands holding their cornrows, the garnish in their drink, wearing green and it’s a lime, red and it’s a cherry etc., the food they chose to eat, and even their wallet, debit card, and choice of candy bar. If it doesn’t match, they won’t have anything to do with it, until they change their color scheme of course.

So if you are buying your one black friend something at the gas station it is important to remember what they were wearing, but if you forget your safest bet is always a Hershey’s Bar, they will always be wearing some of that color.

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